Tips on Keeping Productive Friendships And Relationships

Human is known as a social animal. It cannot live in isolation for much time, which is why it constantly keeps on seeking company of others. Most of a man`s likenesses, preferences and decisions are influenced greatly by its reference groups apart from its own family. Some of these relationships are positive which are beneficial for it, while some of them might be negative and cause annihilation. It all depends on the nature of links and acquaintances that one develops throughout the course of its life. There is a tremendous amount of emphasis on building and keeping upright relationships with people in Islam, as they shape one`s personality. The Holy Prophet (PBUH) has been narrated as saying:

“The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

Commenting on this Hadith, Imam Nawawi concluded that we are greatly affected by the nature of our associate: if it has the right etiquettes, consciousness, faithfulness and is a follower of just customs, then it will prove to be benefiting for us in some or the other like the pleasantness of musk (perfume). On the other hand, if our friend deviates from morality, we will not take any advantage from it, rather it will only come back to haunt us at some point in our lives.

Now let us discuss some of the possible ways to develop and maintain productive associations with others:

Those who Are Conscious Of Allah

The leading decisive factor for adopting a virtuous connection in a Muslim`s life should be to evaluate that person on the basis of remembrance of the Almighty. Since those, who we spend our time with, influence us in many ways, so, it is necessary to have a relation that is mindful of the Almighty, e.g. any true disciple of the religion of Islam would never like its friend to keep sitting and talking about worldly matters while a call to Salah is being made from a nearby mosque. Allah SWT says in the Holy Quran:

“And keep yourself patient [by being] with those who call upon their Lord in the morning and the evening, seeking His countenance. And let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life, and do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire and whose affair is ever [in] neglect.” [Quran, 18: 28]

We Muslims know that the realization of the Tawheed (Oneness of the Creator of the universe) is the key to success in the world and hereafter, which involves constant memory of God, the Exalted and fulfilling all His commands, like performing Namaz, reading and understanding Furqan e Hameed, and fasting etc. We are also aware of pressure of our peers on us, so, we should strive to make and sustain relationships that lead us to implementation of our chief task of remembrance of the Almighty. Ibn Abbas (R.A) narrates the Prophet (PBUH) saying as:

“No one may taste true faith except by this (i.e. building relationships for Allah’s sake), even if his prayers and fasts are many. People have come to build their relationship around the concerns of the world, but it will not benefit them in any way.” (Abu Dawood and at-Tirmithi)

This saying of Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH) stresses on making acquaintances for the sake of Allah SWT, which means they must be based on righteousness and devoid of all sorts of wickedness.

Those Following The Sunnah Of Prophet (PBUH)

Secondly, there is also great example in the Sunnah (way of life) of the Apostle (PBUH) of Allah, like having proper insight of Islamic instructions, good conduct, humbleness, uprightness, avoiding from backbiting, giving meaningful advice, concern for others, remembrance of the hereafter etc. and our amity towards others could also be assessed on this basis. Allah SWT discusses the effect of this delicate matter in the Sanctified Scripture as:

And the Day the wrongdoer will bite on his hands [in regret] he will say, “Oh, I wish I had taken with the Messenger a way. Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend. He led me away from the remembrance after it had come to me. And ever is Satan, to man, a deserter.” [Quran, 25: 27-29]

The above mentioned Ayats explain the difference between value of having apt company, (which has been referred to the Holy Prophet (PBUH) here), and the one that is wrongful. As actions decide the outcome of the effort, so do our intentions and aspirations. If we desire to be like the Messenger (PBUH) of God, then we will definitely try to accompany those who are personification of way of Hazrat Muhammad`s (PBUH) life.

Instructions For Developing Good Contacts

The previous two matters are the foremost criteria that must be satisfied for making and building relationships with others, but since, in this day and age, it is not possible to find everyone fulfilling these standards, so, we should also try from ourselves for developing others around us in the positive way. Just like we are required to take the services of a tailor in sewing our clothes to make them wearable, same way not everybody is tailor-made for us, which is why we have to adopt ourselves accordingly. Taking inspiration from our Beloved Prophet (PBUH), Who transformed the lives of people around Him and brought them out of darkness towards enlightenment.

We can take help from the following useful guidelines for making productive social links:

1- By respecting the viewpoint of others as not everyone shares the same kinds of opinions. Instead of enforcing things on others, we should rather stick to our own values to have room for mutual esteem, e.g. if anyone of us is friend with foreigners, we do not need to celebrate their festivals with them, which contradict our religious values and thoughts, and we should rather excuse for not being permitted faithfully to do so. In this way, we can perform both of our secular and societal responsibilities without causing any trouble to our relations with others.

2- We can also take advantage from listening closely to people to be able to properly understand their viewpoint, and give them the best possible advice so that they can be benefited from it. Abu Hurrerah (R.A) once said:

“When He (the Prophet PBUH faced someone, He faced him completely. When he turned away, He turned away completely. I have never seen anyone like Him and I will never see anyone like them.” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad

3- Exchanging gifts and presents among one`s acquaintances is another way of promoting relationships. And since we have to make it productive, so we can gift others Islamic books and other beneficial stuff that is positive in nature so as to help build our relationships in accordance with Islamic spirit. Abu Hurrerah (R.A) once reported:

              “Give gifts and you will love one another.”(Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)

4- There is also great emphasis on living up to the requirements of good connections in our religion. We have to visit them regularly to know about their health, security and help them out decently in times of need.

“He who visits the sick continues to remain in the fruit garden of Paradise until he returns”. (Muslim)

It means keeping in touch with family and friends has a very high place near the Almighty Lord.

Some Other Qualities Of Meaningful Associates

Apart from being fully aware of remembrance of Allah SWT and following the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet (PBUH), some secondary characteristics of good friends are as follows:

1-They are sincere and remind one about its weaknesses in order to improve its life. the Messenger (PBUH) of God is reported to have said:

“The believer is like a mirror to other believers (in truthfulness).” (Abu Dawood)

As mirror shows a man`s reflection exactly the way it is, similarly honest relationships also call for exchange of truthful views about each other so that somebody could get benefited from the word of rectitude. Ibn Hazm quoted:

“Anyone who criticizes you cares about your friendship. Anyone who makes light of your faults cares nothing about you. (Abu Dawood, Hasan Hadith)

It means that if someone gets condemned for its malice by its companion, it only leads towards the attainment of morality and uprightness, which is the sign of a genuine comrade. Conversely, the one shows contentment with one`s immorality is deemed as a detractor.

2- A proper acquaintance also has the quality of authenticity in a sense that it does not feel jealous of one`s achievements. Hazrat Ali (R.A), the 4th caliph of Islam, said:

“If a friend envies you, then he is not a true friend.”

3- True companions, when make promises, they keep hold onto them in any case.
4- They avoid talking uselessly, and do not waste each others` time, rather they always try to have a mature and productive conversation.

In short, the measure of a true friend needs to in such a way that the person should contain all the attributes in its character that are desired to have according to the Islamic teachings. It must be having the qualities of piety, consideration, compassion, tolerance, honesty, and easy to talk with etc. May Allah SWT grant us all with accurate and meaningful companionships, which could benefit us both in this world and hereafter! Aameen!